Carlton Pearson declared a heretic.

I just have a few thoughts to put down on this issue after listening to an interview he did.

Personally, I believe that Bishop Pearson is on the right path with some of the things that he is pushing. I mean, I can clap to the thinking that the bible just may not be all that infallible. I feel guilty even putting that down. I believe that the bible may have some error because it has been written and re written by men. But in saying this, I must also say that I believe that God, in all his infinite wisdom, knew that this would be the case therefore he only holds us to the glimpse of truth that we can gain from the bible. It may not be the whole truth but it is the only truth we know. I am positive that when we finally do see him, we will get the whole story and some of the things that we have held so dear will be put in proper perspective.

One place that Bishop Pearson is going that I cannot follow is this idea of inclusion. I mean, some of what he is saying I can mos def ride with. Stating that Jesus did die for the entire world is a given and I think all followers of Christ have to agree with that. The place that I have to get off the bus with Bishop Pearson is the idea that salvation is yours and all the rewards that come with it even if you don't accept it. Basically he is saying you are saved even if you don't get saved.......by default.

Sounds like a great idea and obviously there are places in the bible that Bishop is using to support his theory. I mean he is not a dummy and would not just come up with this unless he truly believed that this is what God was telling him and he hadscriptual support. The only problem is that there are a lot of areas that will also cast down his ideas and simply pointing out that the bible is not totally true when opposition comes will not really work in this situation. I mean, doing that will put you in an odd position and then you have to wonder, where do you draw the line? Who is the person that decides what is true in the bible and what is made up? Slippery slope.

Seems to me that both sides in this situation are just on extreme opposite ends. It would be nice for people to try to meet somewhere in the middle. It almost made me cry to hear about how Bishop Pearson is now opening his church to the gays and lesbians while on the other end, we are still have a hard time finding a place in the church without denying who we really are(I'll talk about this on a later date).

Christmas is over.

Christmas has gone and things are kinda back to normal. This year I didn't get anybody anything for Christmas. Not because I am just being mean or cheap. The reason is because I don't have any money. The number one thing that I plan to do in the new year is get a better handle on my money.

Talked to one of my old homeboys last night. We used to kick it about 2 yrs ago but turns out that we are much better being friends than we ever were being anything else. Anyway, dude has decided to get serious about his spiritual life and that involves him getting baptized into the j-dubs. Anybody who knows anything about Jehovah's Witnesses knows that getting baptized is a big thing. I know a little because 3 of my past flings have been j-dub's. Shit is way surprising because...well, lets just say that we both used to be wild but he was real wild. We had a real nice convo last night speaking on all types of spiritual things and it was crazy. Crazy because I never imagined that he would ever be in a position to talk to me on this level and also because he is a j-dub and we were talking real talk without a lot of barriers. I have tried to have talks with witnesses before and they usually never turn out good. Maybe it was the fact that I have grown spiritually or maybe it was the fact that he is my homeboy even beside all the religion. Who knows? I plan on going to see "Rent" later this week with him.

Drinking...

For four nights in a row, I was drunk. That may seem like nothing for some but for me, that is something major. I very rarely get inebriated but It was liberating. The throwing up and all! It freed me somehow. But I don't think I will be drinking that way again any time soon. It was what it was.

Today is the beginning of the work week for me. I called in yesterday because I was still trying to get over the drinking binge. Binge is such an ugly word. Anyway, ever Monday I come back to this place and I feel like this is just not the place for me. This is really one of the worst jobs that I have ever had and at this point in my life I am really a slave to this position. I have to have this job and I really don't like that feeling. One good thing is that I did enroll in school. I really don't have a solid plan with that but I had to start somewhere. I think that everything will fall into place.

The singer Donnie has a song called "Turn Around" and it is basically about a line of love.....metaphorically. He speaks on being in love with the person that is standing in front of him in the line but that person is in love with the person that is standing in front of them and so on and so on. All he wants is for the person that is front of him to just turn around and notice the love that he has instead of focusing on the other person. I bring that up because that song really speaks to me. The people who like me, I usually don't like and the people that I do like, most times act as tho they have eyes on someone else. Its so frustrating because you cant make yourself like a person. I seem to be doomed to a life of unrequited love.

Last night

Wow....E&J is a monster! I was forced to spend the night at Dwight's house and that was a trip.

Something I am finding more and more these days is that no one, and I mean no one, is 100% straight or gay. I believe there is actually a scale that goes from 0 to 5. 0 being totally straight and 5 being totally gay. That being said, it was proved once again last night. Since the power was out at my crib I decided to stay at D's house and his boys "K" and "Lenny" decided to stay also. That nigg "K" brought the "Easy Jesus". Now D, "K", and I all have the "issue" in common but Lance did not know this. Like I said before, E&J is a monster and that shit somehow persuaded me to find out how "Lenny" really felt about gay niggs. I thought it was only right since he was staying in the house with 3 gay niggas and he was supposedly the only straight guy. It started out slow but by the end of the night everything was out on the table and "Lenny" proved my theory that nobody is 100% straight.

So what is the deal with supposedly hetero men and porno. It seems to me that any dude that knows male porno stars by name and will pick porn that stars certain male stars is kinda suspect. If a dude is straight, he likes pussy right? So I would think that his porno would only be with women showing their privates or 2 women doing their thing. When you bring that dick into the equation, there is a lot of room for suspicion. What part of the game is that?

I am at work right now off 1hr of sleep. We did not go to sleep until 6am and then I had to get right back up at 7am. I don't really feel it yet but I am sure by 2:30 I will be ready to go. I am getting too old to be staying up all night.

Sitting at D's

the power is out at my place so I had to come to D's place to spend the night. I dont really want to post anything but i figure I might as well since I am just sittiing here doing nothing.

Debt

I am convinced that all people who work for any kind of company that collects debts, be it credit card or other, read the same handbook. They all say the same things! First they give you this spill about how you incurred the debt and therefore it is your responsibility to pay it back. Then they start to talk about you,the debtor, maybe wanting a home or a car one day and this blemish on your credit report will keep those things out of your reach. They do their best to get you to see the error of your ways and to start now(right now with a post dated check) the process to getting your life back in order.

In my experience, it seems that most of the people that call you are ready for a fight. It's like all their training is focused on how to handle the belligerent calls and they don't spend much time on the callers that actually want to cooperate. I say this because every time I talk to one of these people, I always agree with whatever they say and most times it seems to throw them off. I think they expect me to curse them out when they tell me how much I owe and when I Agree right down to the penny, they get confused. What I usually do is concede that I do owe the amount that they are asking but at this present time I am unable to do anything about it. That is when it gets interesting.

These people actually suggest that you go to your mom, dad, grandparents, friends, or whoever to get the money to pay them back. They act like they are so concerned with your well being and that the motive behind the call is get your credit together. Actually, what they want you to do is get in debt with somebody else just as long as you pay them back. Kinda crazy if you ask me and I refuse to be apart of it. The lady today actually suggested that I take money out of my 401k plan to pay them back. I informed he that was not an option.

Now this is crazy but have you ever been cursed out by one of these people? I have been cursed out and hung up on. What part of the game is that? Shit is funny to me because that is the role that I should be playing considering you called me to ask for some money. I find it very satisfying when I can get that reaction from one of these people. "Well Mr. Black, we are going to go forward with the collection process and this will show up on your credit report...." That does not hurt me. I always tell them that they have a job to do and if that is the next step I suggest that they take it. Don't hold up the process for me! Report that shit to Equifax.

Ok, now don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of good credit. I am actually in the process of cleaning my stuff up now but I have decided to do it one debtor at a time. There is no way that I can do them all at once so until I get to you on the list, you have to wait. I never tell the callers this because they would never understand. From their point of view, paying them should be the reason I live. One lady even told me that paying this debt was in the same category as paying the rent. Not hardly. Visa cant evict me!

And now it's Monday....

Uncanny Likeness!

Why does this pic look just like me? It's crazy. Notice that homeboy has a drink and a halo. I threw that in to convey the fact that my life is chock full of contradiction.

My homey Jamaco and I went to a boogie party Saturday night and the shit wasn't half bad. It was the birthday party for my cousin's husband and since she is a published author(Altered remembrances of Love) and a graduate of Clemson University, all her people are boogie. Wait, boogie is not the right word. How about "bougetto"? I mean, they are boogie now but they all started off in the ghetto. Anyway, I expected the party to be one way but by the end of the night erybody was messed and having a great time. I was so drunk Saturday night and so was my homeboy who was supposed to be the designated driver. Thank God, we only had to drive right up the street. Yes, I know drinking and driving is bad but we had to get home and for real, it was only a up t he street.

Again, I was really really drunk Saturday night. So drunk in fact that I almost told Jamaco about my "issue". The truth is, I really want to tell him but I am just scared that I will loose one of my best friends. I love that dude. He was on some, "I would be mad if I had a friend who was gay and he didn't tell me about it!" I saw that as my chance to get the shit out but I was too drunk and could not force myself to just say it. I think he must already have some idea about it but who knows.

Starting over

I did it and it was not worth it at all. I mean, the sex was ok but it was the afterward that got me. One whole year down t he drain for some chumb that was very rude when all was said and done. Told me to get out. I felt so dirty....like a prostitute. Now I feel terrible and I cant believe that I did that shit. I am ashamed.

Tried to call my boy Ant last night and he just blew up at me. I really needed to talk last night but he is too busy being an ass to see that. Told me not to call him anymore.....I'll call him tonight. Tried to call my boy Mark but I guess he was sleep. It was about 11:30 when I called and I guess that is kinda late but I really wanted to tell him about what went down. I did get to talk to Ken tho.

So, am I gonna tell T.....hell no! This will go in the closet of skeletons. We were on break!! People on the outside looking in probably think this situation looks like shit but it is what it is. I love T and that is that.

Well, it's over now. My boy ant always says that you should not regret anything so I will just chalk this up to experience. I know what not to do next time.

Situations

So, ya boy's mouth has written a check that his ass cannot cash. What I mean is that I have used my mouth to put my person into a situation that I really would rather not be in. What had happened was......

T and I decided that we would take a break. Not my idea but I went along with it. While on this break, I decided to entertain other situations. Nothing big, just conversation. Anyway, one of these conversations was with someone named C. This person was real cool and insisted that we meet. They live an hour away so I was on some "sure, let's meet!" but really, I put no stock into them traveling to see me. Well, turns out that C was serious and they will be in Greenville tonight! What is a fellow to do? I mean, it is my fault for engaging this situation but I never really thought anything would come of it. Now I feel obligated to go see them because they came all the way up here(and even got a hotel room). I just don't want anything to jump off because I still have this semi situation with T. I think I can control myself. I mean, I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do...right? No Sex! That is what I will concentrate on tonight.

In other news.....I have had no sex for a year and some change. I know some people who would disagree with me but my definition of sex is penetration. I have not penetrated anything in a year and some change and I am proud of me. As I said before, there are some people that I know that would argue this point but nothing counts but insertion(or getting something inserted). Everything else is just foreplay and therefore should not be counted in the grand scheme. This year long break from sex was started by me but about six months into it, I was ready to start sexing again. Unfortunately, during this time I met T and they insisted that we continue to abstain. It is an understatement when I say that I am ready to smash something but I will continue to wait until T is ready. I only bring this up because the fact that I have not had sex in a long while will be a factor in the meeting tonight. I pray that T is not as sexy as they are in their pics.

Hemorrhoids are a mother

and that's all I'll say about that.

Went to the gym yesterday and didn't do all I was supposed to but at least I was there...right. I mean, the only thing I missed was the 20mins on the treadmill but I went and that is the important thing. I am getting better with the eating tho! When I first started on this journey to better health, I think that I made a mistake by trying to change everything at once. At this point I realize that everything happens over time. It's hard as hell to try to teach a dog new tricks and a lot of my habits started early. Some things that were hard for me in the beginning are just second nature for me now and I think that is progress.

Now if I could just get in the habit of waking up early. In order to do that tho, I know that I need to go to bed earlier. That means I will have to stop talking on the phone so late. This task is easier said than done. I have in my head the solution to this problem tho. Eliminate all other options! That means I need to get in the bed by 11pm every night no matter what. No other options but to go to bed! Get of the phone no matter what!

I want black people to get it together! What role do I play in this is the question I am asking myself. My mom tried to order pizza last night and the guy told her that they no longer deliver to my neighborhood because the guy was robbed last week. My people my people...when will we learn. This problem is so big that I have no idea where to start but this does give me motivation to start writing.

Starting school

So, a brother started school again. At 27 years old, I am trying to finally get my degree. I just figured that I should since I am always trying to get my kids at church involved in this stuff. It's only right that I do it too. Only one class tho cause I figure I need to get back in the swing of things.

consistency in anything will bring greatness. That's the mantra right now as far as the gym goes. I mean, I really don't feel like I am making any progress but it is impossible to go to the gym 4 days a week and nothing happen. I am banking on that. Something has got to give.

The first

It's a new day and a new way of thinking so i decided to make a new blog. I think i will still keep my Diaryland thing but I wanted to try something new. Anyway, this is the first entry.