Struggling

Some of my friends know that I have been struggling with my faith, and religion, and church, and that whole ball of wax for some time. For a while I have been really trying to figure out how all this stuff goes together and where I fit in. I have had some knockdown, drag-outs with people that are close to me about my opinions on these things and some relationships are still not the same.

And this whole time, I have secretly been a little pissed with HIM because as I have outlined in this blog many times before, He(and just for the record, I am now struggling with this pronoun I use to describe the creator) is conveniently silent on many issues which forces us to figure out a lot on our own.....with no real proof that what we figured out is even right. Ohhh but this week I have to say that He proved himself to me in a way that has significantly strengthened my faith and erased many of the doubts that had.

What happened? well, I don't want to bore anyone with those details but what I will say is that for me, I know that there is G-d. Do I still struggle with some of the ideas and explanations that I struggled with before? Sure but one thing that I know for sure is that there is something out there that guides and leads me.

Now, I am still working through the idea that maybe the G-d that we have been taught is not the whole. I am finding further comfort in the idea that G-d truly is way bigger than we can even comprehend. What if even the bible only gives us a glimpse? In my summation, the creator cannot be contained in a book because the idea of him in that book was conveyed through human vessels and I believe that our humanity won't allow us to comprehend all that He(there's that pronoun again) is. I am sure he imparted what he could to those that participated in the writing, but the bible is simply an exercise in humanity trying to understand the eternal. The idea is way too big and humans trying to explain to other humans with the tools that we have been given(speech, illustration, written language) could never do justice to all that G-d is.

At any rate, if I don't know anything else, I know that in my life there is a force pushing me toward something. And here I am, stuck in the middle of the unknown, but comfortable with a little less struggle.