They came on thursday

I was a little apprehensive about their stay. Worried that we might bump heads since he was going to stay for 5 whole days. I felt like I didn't really know him. Sure, we've been talking on the phone for about 2 years but we only met less than a month ago. I was excited but cautious.

He came on Thursday and I'd surprised myself at how excited I was to see him when he got off the bus. I played it down tho cause there was no way I was going to let them see that.I brought him to my house and we talked most of the night. I started to realize that this could actually become a friend. This is not something I say often.

The rest of the weekend was more of the same. It really surprised me how much we really had in common. In the beginning I'd actually decided that he was just a pretty face with no real substance. Boy was I wrong. We vibe on a lot of levels plus he sings. Dude actually harmonized with me.......*swoon*

By the time Monday morning arrived it felt as if the time had gone by much too fast. I knew that he would have to go back that afternoon and it made me feel a little sad. It's funny but in just 5 days I had actually gotten used to him being around. I was used to waking up and seeing him. I was used to having somebody to talk to. I was used to having somebody to watch tv with. Used to not being alone.

That night after dropping him off and watching the bus pull away, I went home and the first thing that hit me was how quiet it was. I was actually lonely last night. I never really felt that way before. Maybe I've been feeling this way for a while but just pushing it aside. Last night it was strong and I am wondering when things will go back to normal. I miss him

White Women Think They Run The World

Anybody who knows me will hear me say this often and no I am not being racist because black people can't be racist. I only say it because most of the time when I have a run in with a white woman, they act as if they are entitled to things. In my line of work, I often have to tell people things that they do not want to hear. Things like, "I am sorry but that office is closed" or "I'm sorry but I can't take a message for you." What I have found is that the white woman is the one that will most likely challenge me when I say these things. She will respond to the above statements with, "But I really need to speak to them!" or "So what am I supposed to do now?" It's not so much about what they say tho, it's more of the tone they say it in. It's a tone of entitlement! It's as if they are saying, "Don't you know who I am? I am a white woman!"

Maybe I am taking it a little far but honestly, this is how I feel. It's as if all these white women have a little of that "Mrs. Milly"(color purple) in them. Their tone always makes me react. No I don't curse them out nor am I ever rude but what I do like to do is ensure that they will not get what they think they are entitled to. Sure, I could probably get somebody in that office for you if I really wanted to but why should I? Yup, I probably could take this message for you if I really really felt it was important, but I wont. You, white woman, need to feel the sting of rejection. You need to know what it feels like when things don't go your way. Everything else may go your way but I vow to make sure it won't go as smoothly when you talk to me.

Went to see Cloverfield last night

Pretty good movie I guess. I mean, about 30mins into it I got sick to my stomach. First of all, I got there late so I had to sit in the very front of the theater which I don't like to do. I Usually like to sit more in the center of the theater. It's a perfect spot I think. Anyway, the movie starts and everything is cool but for some reason I start to get a little quezzy. About 30mins into it I start to get violently ill. I can feel my stomach convulsing and I was at a loss as to why this was happening. Immediately I start to think the girl that gave me my popcorn and drink must have had an unclean spirit and passed it on to me....... So I figured that I would try to hold it down and not leave the movie because it was getting pretty good. I decided that maybe it was my glasses in conjunction with the fact that I was so close to the screen that was making me sick so I took them off. That aint help. I closed my eyes and just listened to the movie for about 15mins and kept trying to look at the screen but every time I did, the sickness came back. Finally it got to the point that I was actually heaving in my seat. I think the lady next to me actually got a little scared that I was about to throw up on her....and I almost did. At this point I decide that I have got to go to the bathroom and barely make it there before I let all the contents of my stomach go. I wasted 10.50 on popcorn and a cherry coke. After that I was fine and went back into the theater to enjoy the rest of the movie and even tho I still felt a little sick, I could not throw up because there was nothing else left in my stomach.

Later on that night I finally figured out why I got sick. It was motion sickness! Sometimes when I play Tomb Raider or Halo I get sick like that too. I can only play for about 30mins and then I get really sick. It also happens when I watch camcorder movies and I sit too close to the tv. All that jumpy ass recording in that movie is what made me sick.

*sigh of relief*

It was time once again to get my HIV test and as usual I was nervous like a mug. This time was worse than usual because I had pretty much convinced myself that I had it. Every bump was a swollen lymph node. Every sweat was a fever. Every time I pulled the covers off at night, it was a night sweat. Shit was crazy. All that drama has led me to the decision that I will no longer be having sex on a whim. I will only be participating in the full act with someone that i genuinely respect and want to build something with. From now on it's all about that mutual masturbation. It's the safest thing going these days.

umm....this morning I woke up in like

Like can be deceiving. I mean, it's too early to be love but like will fool you and make you think that you could be headed in that direction. Like is basically the really good feelings that you get when you meet a person and you both are feeling each other and want to work toward something more. The thing about like tho is that it's so superficial. It's based on trivial things such as attractiveness or the fact that you and the other person enjoy the same soft drink. I've noticed lately that many people find themselves in like and confuse it for love. They take that good feeling that comes in the beginning and then jump head first into a relationship. I have been around long enough to understand that precaution must be taken in order not to confuse like for love. One must be patient and wait to see if like will turn to love. Often it does not.

So what's the difference between the two you ask. Well, like is when you think it's cute the way the other person snores a little when they fall asleep on your couch while love is when you been up all night listening to that muthafucker saw logs but you don't complain. Like makes you accentuate all the positive things about the person while choosing to put the bad things you notice in the back of your mind. There is nothing wrong with like tho because one must experience like before one can enter love. There has to be that initial spark in order to push you to the next level so like is cool with me! Being in like is that special time when everything that other person does moves you to sonnet. It's an endearing time where that other person can do no wrong. Alas, like is fleeting and will be gone in no time. Like must then be replaced with something. Hopefully love.

Now love is when you finally, really know the person and all the baggage and bad habits they carry but still choose to build something with them. Love is serious and intense and contrary to popular belief does not happen at first sight. That shit is like. Like comes after the first date and makes an unwise person think it's love.....but it's not. It will make this person want to move in with the other person and start a life but like will never keep it together. Like will not force you to match another episode of a 'Mythbusters' marathon but love would not allow you to do anything but.

And the reason I am writing this today.....because I find myself in like. Excited about the possibility that like will turn to love. Cautious that I am moving to fast. Scared that I have already done too much. Hopeful that this will be it. But still scarred by situations in the past. I want this to work and there is a part of me that wants to rush into it. But I must not for all of the above reasons. As I said before, like is crafty. It disguises itself as love but experience has taught me to be patient and see what happens.

new year's weekend recap

Friday was the day of the Bilal show. I opted to work that morning and get off at 5:30pm so I would have enough time to get off and get some shoes before the show. I was so excited because Bilal is one of the people on my list of people to see perform before I die. Now that I have taken care of him I can move on to Lauryn.
I wasn't exactly looking forward to going to this show all alone but it was Bilal. I wasn't gonna let the fact that all my friends in Greenville are lame and most don't even know who Bilal is stop me from seeing him. I was gonna get to this show come hell or high water.
Venue was nice and I basically just stood around the spot until Bilal showed up. My dude came out at about 11:30pm and was up there pouring his heart out until about 1:30am! He did all the shit I wanted to hear and he ripped 'Sometimes'. I love him even more now. The above pic is from the show. Blurry as hell from my cell phone. I wish I could have asked him what in the hell 'White to Gray' is about.

Went to Atl on Sunday and stayed til Tuesday night. Did some things in ATl but the most significant thing that I did was meet a boy named Shanen.

Shanen is a dude that I have been talking to for for at least 2 years. I was always feeling him but we could never connect on a higher lever than friendship due to location and relationships. Well this year we both became available and started working toward something. We finally met(after a few failed attempts) and shit was lovely. I am really excited about the possibility of things to come.