After all these years of bullshitting at my job....

Ya boy is finally doing some work! I have mixed emotions about this. I mean, on one hand I was bored with my job and I hated coming here everyday but the good thing was the fact that I was able to get online whenever I wanted to. Now, I cant even think about getting online(even tho I am online right now....) because there seems to always be something for me to do. It's alright tho because at least now I feel appreciated and I feel like I am really doing something that matters. The thing that I am really excited about is the idea that these new responsibilities will segue into a new job title and maybe in a new career direction. Things are good.

My *boy's* birthday was on Tuesday and I was having a really hard time trying to decide what to send him. I was going send him a gift card to some book store or something but then my friend suggested that I instead send him some real money. That suggestion didn't sit well with me. Why? I can't say but there was most definitely a block when he said that. And the thing is, he needs the cash way more than he needs a gift certificate since he is moving in a week or so. I just feel like sending *special* people money could send a bad message. I don't want anyone to be dependent on me. Ideally, any relationship that I get in, I would want my partner to be an equal partner so that I would be able to give support as well as receive. At this point, that aint the case. Homeboy is barely making it and I am in no way judging him cause I know that he is working toward some things and right now he is just trying to get some things together. And it's not like he has even done anything that would make me think that he is trying to use me. Matter of fact, he has actually done just the opposite and shunned any help that I have offered. That means that it aint him.....it's me. What is it. I would be willing to bet that it's more of the baggage that I brought from previous situations and that sucks. Anyway, I compromised with myself and sent a Visa gift card. That way, it's not paper money but he is not confined to where he can spend it. I hope he likes it.