So I did it again....

I am so dumb. Why did i think that I could even be friends with them. So selfish they are! What's funny is that I always knew this but chose to look over it. Why do we do that? I guess I thought that I could change them.....or maybe I thought that this was what I deserved. I think that I was probably just drawn to them because of their attractiveness so I decided that I would look past all the rest of the things that were wrong with them. Hell, weren't they accepting me, with my fat ass? I guess that's what it really boils down too. People will put up with a lot of shit because bottom line is, they don't think they deserve any better. That was me. But no more. I think i would rather be alone.

Ok, now that that is over let's focus on NYC. I think that I need this. I will treat this trip as if it is the first step in the real journey that is my life. Every since Jamaco passed I just been in a real funk. I hope that this helps me get out of it.

Why is my mom's new husband a crackhead? She asked me to come talk to him today....the fuck I sposed to say to him. That is their life, right? He is a grown ass man who knows what he is doing. What could i possibly say to him that would change him. I don't think that I will get involved with that unless I have to.
but here's the deal tho: I knew from the very beginning that something just didnt sit right with me. I mean, something about him just registered funny with me. I knew he had done drugs in his past but he and my mom assured me that that was a thing of his past. They even decided to cut his rehab short to get married cause he was over that stuff. Ha! Crack is a helluva drug. As i was saying tho, he just came off as phony to me. I couldn't quite place my finger on it but i knew that there was more to him than he was letting on. Now i see that the problem was that he still did have a substance abuce problem and he was too arrogant to seek any help. We shall see what comes of this.