My relationshit

I love you, I think. I have actually never been here before so I am really not sure how it's supposed to be. You say you love me too but for some reason I still doubt it. I think this is due to my insecurities. It's sad but yes, at 27 years old I am still dealing with not liking myself. Seems that through this whole situation I have just been waiting for you to finally come to your senses and drop me because you and I both know that you can do better than me. I hate to make you suffer because of what's wrong with me but truth be told, I really don't know how to act. On one hand I don't want to loose you but then again I feel like I should push you away in order to save myself the heartache. I keep trying to prove to myself that you don't want me because then I can say to myself "I told you so". It scares me to just give myself up completely to you/this because again, I don't want to be hurt. If I keep you at a distance and always act as if I am on the verge of letting you go, I can protect myself. Drop you before you drop me.
How can a person ever really know another's true feelings? You can't and that is part of the problem. I need to be sure that I am not making a fool of myself but I am learning that life is not like that. You have to take chances and hope for the best. This is my main problem because I like, too much, to be in control. I need to know that specific actions bring specific outcomes but this whole situation is not logical. Actions are often made and there is no rhyme or reason that can me applied to the equation to make it make sense.
Yes, you make me jealous when you talk to him. I am still scared that he has the power to take you away from me. He still has a part of you that I can never get to. No matter what you tell me I still feel as if I have not made it to the place that he has. I am second best and the one you settled for.
You are right when you say that I listen to my friends a lot. I know that their advice is sketchy at best but what else do I have? The alternative is to just listen and believe what you say and I can't do that. You have to understand that the advice that comes from them is given because they don't want me to be foolish. I know that according to them, I have already crossed the line.
"I love you" is a statement that I say to you often but what does it prove when the meaning of these words are unclear? I love you as much as I know about love but my understanding could be wrong. I am still trying to find the romantic movie love but maybe that just doesn't exist. I think that I am wasting my time looking for you to act like the movies. Maybe it's not practical to look for romance from you all the time and I need to just settle for what you do offer.