Niggs don't know but

I am really struggling with my religion right now. I don't know if I would want to use the word struggling....well, maybe I will use the word struggle but not with my religion. What I am really struggling with are the false faces of my religion. At 27 years old, I feel like I am discovering that a lot of the "facts" about God that were given to me don't stand up at all.

I guess what I am trying to say is, the image that I have had for so long of God, the one that I got from parents and grandparents just won't hold up in my life. Let me offer an example: All my life I have been told that all homos are on their way to hell. I mean, the bible, in black and white tells us this. How can I argue with that? Given this "fact" one could imagine that it would be an awful struggle for a gay boy growing up in the church, trying to follow god but feeling in the back of my mind that all my effort was useless. In the end, I only had hell to look forward to. Having gone through a little more life I now see that life is just not as cut and dry as some would want to believe.

Now I am at the point where I really want a real experience with God. I just think that there is more to it than most people are getting in their churches. God is so much bigger than us getting to go to heaven. What about loving your brother and sister while you are here on earth and when I speak of loving, I mean sticking your life on the line for the rapeist. Going to the wire for the prostitute. Laying down everything you have for a person that you don't even know. I have such a passion for the underdog. I think it is because for much of my life I have felt that I was one.

So now I am on a mission to seek God earnestly. I want him to show me what this whole thing is really about. I want to find my purpose and I want to help others do the same thing and in my mind that has nothing to do with God blessing me with a fancy house of a new car. I am cool with what I have and if that is all I ever have I must be content. God is Good.