Fast over

I made it to day 7 and then I had to stop. I just got tired and that "lemon-aid" was getting nasty. I am now going to implement healthy lifestyle changes so that I can really get myself together.

Allow me to just put some thoughts out right quick:

So everybody knows that I am the christian homo and that I have been trying to reconcile those two extremes. Here are some of my new revaluations.
At this point in my life, I have come to the conclusion that I am gay. That word causes a lot of problems in today's society and I am convinced that it all stems from peoples perception of what that word means. It's all the things that are now associated with it. What this word means for me is that I simply have an attraction to men. I've had this attraction for as long as I can remember. I would say that I was born with it but I know what troubles that statement brings up so I will just settle and say it is all I have ever known.
Once upon a time I hated myself because of this attraction. I mean, good "christian" boys don't have those thoughts, do they? I figured that the only reason for my existence was so that I could be kindling in Hell. That had to be what I was made for because I kept getting prayed for and those feelings wouldn't leave. I was born for hell, so I thought.
At the age of 24, I stared on this journey to find out what God really expected of me. I had already come to the conclusion that I was, in fact, gay and at that point there was really nothing that I could do about it. I was starting to get over the thoughts that God hated me and what I wanted was a clear idea of what God wanted from be given my situation. There were plenty of pastors saying "turn away" but on the real, that wasn't practical. They said it as if you could just make up your mind and change your attraction. Of course there were those "Ex-Gay" ministries that were telling people that they could achieve straightness. I had heard too many horror stories about that stuff and honestly, I wondered what "straight" meant to them. Was it just about actions? No, non of that was for me. If I was going to get anything, I decided that it would have to come directly from the God.
I found a great church and it was electrifying. I had turned away from the church for a while but this pastor was bringing me back alive. His words hit my heart and for the first time in my life, I saw how the word of God really applied to my life. I joined the church and I started to get involved. I got so involved that I started to believe that God actually had a purpose for my life. This was a problem because I still had this issue to deal with. I reached out to the Asst. pastor to see how I should proceed. I felt that this church was the place that I needed to be but I had to see where they stood on this issue. Depending on what I got from him, I would have to either conform my views or walk away from the church. The talk with him was ordered by God and what it actually did was fuel the fire in me that needed to get some real clarity on this issue.
Since then, this is where I am with it.
-I am saved and a child of God
-When the bible speaks of homosexuality, it must be speaking of the act and not the attraction because I cannot help my attraction but I can help my actions.
-The attraction is not the problem, it is what I do because of the attraction that is the problem.
-My getting into heaven is not dependent on me being straight
-Deliverance is a decision. It is the decision not to do what my flesh wants to do and instead do what God has called me to do.
-I would never rule out the idea of God making me straight, I just don't waste time dwelling on it. If I am never straight, I will still do what He has called me to do.

So that is what I have come to thus far. One of these day I will write a book. There is a lot more to this that I could write but for now I will leave it at this.