I did that thing today, that I said I wouldn't

I have yet another new trainee and as always, I am all up in her business. Whenever I get one and they are black, I just somehow end up in their affairs. It's not a bad thing cause I love to try out my pseudo-psychology but what I always find is that the other party always wants a trade off. If they tell me what is going on in their life, they feel that I should also be telling about mine. Of course we all know that shit is not that simple. I got to work here!!

Anyway, the new chick is having problem in her relationship so you know that I was ready to give advice. I gave her some jewels (if i do say so myself) but after I did, she wanted to know my credentials. She wanted to know about my relationship experience.......so I told her my story, being ever so careful to use "they" and "them" as opposed to "he" and "him". That was going well but today I did the shit that I said I would never do........I used "she" for "he"

OK, so some might say that this is no big deal but it is to me. I tell folks all the time how I refuse to let people put me in boxes that make them comfortable while suffocating me so to use the pronoun "she" makes me look hypocritical. After I told my mom about the real me, I was determined that I would always be authentic. No more lies for me. For the most part I have done this....but then again, it's not really hard when people don't ask you.

So why did I do it? I could say that it was to make her comfortable because I could sense that she had already put me in the "straight" box. I didn't want to shatter her world. I think the truth is that no matter how much I say I don't want to be in boxes, sometimes the boxes are comfortable. It's so effortless to allow people to think that I am straight and really, it's just as easy to go that extra step. No explanation about how I can be gay and call myself a christian. No answering dumb questions like, "How can you do that?" Sometimes it's just easier to be put in the box. Although, if you think about it, by me saying "she" instead of "he", it's like I took the box from her and just climbed in.

I said that I wanted to be comfortable with me no matter how others felt but the truth is, how others feel is still important to me. I feel like I would have no problems saying "yes" if someone were to point blank ask me if I am gay but to have to say it voluntarily, that is a whole other creature.