Event Horizon.....

When an object approaches a black hole, there eventually comes a point where the object has no possible way of escaping the gravitational forces that will pull it in. A 'point of no return' if you will. This is known as the Event Horizon. And while I would never want to impress upon you people that I think my life is as big as something like a black hole, I do want to talk about the Event Horizon that I am approaching at this very minute.

Within the next couple of weeks, I will have to make some decisions that will drastically change everything. But I must. I am scared as hell but like my main man Pastor Wendell Jones says 'Sometimes you have to do it scared!'

And I think the only reason I am even making this entry is to maybe subside some of this anxiety I am feeling right now. I want to have a conversation with myself and try to figure out if I should go or stay. Comfort and stability want to make me stay but love and adventure are pulling me to leave.

So here I am, floating toward destiny.

Perfect Peace a Perfect Mess

Recently my favorite cousin pulled my ear about a novel she was thinking about reading. Because I trust her opinion about these types of things, I was immediately interested and when she gave me a synopsis of the story, I was sold. The novel was 'Perfect Peace' by Daniel Black. I googled the author and guess what? It and turns out, I'd read one of his previous books(They Tell Me of a Home) and I hated it. I decided not to let that discourage me though. I mean, I was very enthusiastic about the subject matter so I figured it had to be good. Boy was I wrong.

So, If you are interested in actually reading this book, you should probably stop reading now because I fear that in my detail about why this novel just doesn't work, I may inadvertently give away some of the story. I would hate to spoil anything for you.

Let's start by discussing what this story is about! 'Perfect Peace' is a set in the 1940's in a rural black community and explores what happens when a boy is raised as a girl, then abruptly told the truth. When the novel opens, we find the matriarch in the middle of giving birth to her seventh child that she is sure will finally be a girl. Of course she is wrong and she has another boy. All of a sudden, this woman has the bright idea of making her boy a girl and this is where things start to fall apart. This should have been a terribly interesting story due to the subject matter and in more capable hands, it could have been. Unfortunately Mr. Black was ill equipped to do this story justice.

There were a few problems I had with this novel but one of the biggest problems is the hypothesis that Mr. Black sets up as you read. When I finally finished, one thing I took from this book is that if you allow a child to 'act like a girl' they will become gay and I don't feel comfortable with this idea at all. I want to first of all say that I do not believe that there is any kind of formula that can be put together(or avoided) that will make a child attracted to the same sex. For every person in the world that is same sex attracted, there is also a life full of experiences that has brought them to that point. I believe everyone is different so there is no one way that people get anywhere. I feel Mr. Black's idea that a person's sexuality can be socialized does not take into account the biology of a person. We are supposed to believe that just because his mother told him that he was a girl, his biology followed suite. If this were true, then I would argue that I should not be gay. I was socialized as a boy but I never had any sexual feelings toward girls! Again, I am not saying that my life experience is the way it is for everyone but I do believe that Mr. Black has failed to recognize the biology of sex in his telling of this story.
Another issue I have with this novel is that Mr. Black is just not a very good story teller. His writing is all over the place and I really feel like he tried to stuff a few different stories in this one novel. The story of Perfect was enough to carry this whole book and all the other fluff just made the story too convoluted and difficult to follow. I think the biggest violation of this for me would be the story of Mister. I assume that Mr. Black introduced the romance between Mister and Johnny Ray in order to show another point of view in regards to sexuality but again, it was just not handled appropriately. After all is said and done, I just felt like the story was never fully fleshed out and ultimately just another distraction from the real story. This continues to happen throughout this novel which left me very frustrated.

All in all, I have to say this book was awful. And I mean no disrespect to Mr. Black! The fact that he's actually published in an accomplishment in itself and something he should be proud of but I cannot look past the issues I find with this work. If anything, I blame his editor, or or those of us who read this and did not call him on these issues. I think it's our duty to continue to push artist to raise the bar and call them to task when they don't. So here is my push to Mr. Daniel Black.

ok....that was pretty dumb

driving was ok but why am I drenched in sweat and I almost bust my ass at the store. From here on out I will be taking doctors orders.

What's been going on

So I had the surgery on Thursday morning and so far things seem to be going ok. What I was originally told was a simple sprain turned out to be so bad that the surgery lasted over 3 hrs and now I am starting to play around with the idea of maybe holding that original doctor responsible for his nonchalant diagnosis that was all wrong. We shall see.

I don't know if I really went into a lot of detail about how it took me back when Shanen suggested that he come up to help me out a few days after the surgery. I'll go into it now. First of all, I am usually the kind of person that tries to go out of my way to help other people out so it really threw me off when he just told me(not even a discussion) that he was taking vacation days to come help. That shit never happens to me. I didn't even know how to process it! All I can say is that this one gesture has solidified for me the idea that this is the person that I am supposed to be with. Looking back on the past few days, I don't know what in the hell I would have done if he had not been here. Things that I just would not have been prepared to do alone. Like, how about when I woke up in the recovery room after the surgery, my gown was GONE. What I am saying is that under those covers, I was completely naked! Just imagine if only my mom, or Julie, or my grandma had been there to help me! I was Naked!!!!!! He really came through for me and I appreciated him so much more.

And now I am sitting here in my house alone because my mom just took him back to the Bus station. I decided I needed to write something and I apologize if it's a little off because I am feeling good off that Percocet right now.

I know that the doctor sad I could not drive for 6 weeks but I am contemplating a little trip to bloom right now. I got some fresh yellow squash in the kitchen and I want to try to make some soup. Imma try and I'll keep you guys posted.